NatNews

In 2007, the great Hannah Montana reminded people that everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days, and nobody is truly perfect.

It might be a good idea for some (or all) individuals to go listen to that heartfelt ballad again or for the first time soon.

There are individuals who label themselves as perfectionists, and even those who don’t value labels much might still strive for perfection in various tasks or areas of their lives. However, doing so on a constant or even frequent basis can be detrimental to one’s overall mental, emotional, and even physical health. 

Dallas resident and psychologist Kenleigh McMinn said the tendency to strive for perfection often begins early in life.

“People may earn praise as kids for getting good or perfect grades and maybe don’t get praise or acknowledgment for less than that,” she said. “That can be internalized as meaning that anything short of perfection equals failure or that the best way to receive affection is to be perfect.”

McMinn added that the desire to achieve perfection of some sort can also be a way a person attempts to exert control.

“If things are done perfectly, there is less of a chance that something can go wrong,” she said.

Fort Worth resident Marc Hall said he has observed that the quest to be perfect in certain regards often seems to be a mix of outside pressure and an individual’s own internal drive.

“Thinking through my ‘perfectionist’ friends, I feel like they strive for perfection because of the standards they’ve learned from their environments—things like parental expectations, military training, or looking to climb the corporate ladder,” he said. “For some, it’s also personal, like chasing the next PR in running.”

Some mental health professionals advise taking on the “good enough” mindset and incorporating “satisficing” to help a person stop overthinking by shifting the focus from finding the perfect option to choosing one that meets his or her needs in that moment, freeing up mental energy and momentum. Applying the concept of satisficing and being willing to accept that perfection doesn’t always (or ever) need to be the standard is not necessarily an easy mindset for some individuals to have, though.

“In my career, it’s definitely challenging,” Hall said. “Working on the advisory side in cybersecurity after years on the customer side, I naturally hold myself to a high standard, though I’ve been reminded a few times that ‘good enough’ is sometimes the right balance.”

However, outside of work, Hall is more comfortable realizing that sometimes it is often better for one’s overall well-being not to let unnecessary stress, anxiety, and potential feelings of inadequacy overshadow the focus on balance, self-acceptance, and appreciating one’s progress and achievements.

“Personally, I try not to carry perfectionism into everything else—except home improvement projects, where I still can’t help aiming for perfect (I’ll notice imperfections years after),” he said.

McMinn, who admitted that she is a recovering perfectionist herself, acknowledged that it can certainly be difficult to let go of the need to chase perfectionism, but there are changes in thinking patterns that can help a person struggling to do so.

“Something that can be helpful is recognizing if the standards you hold yourself to are different than your expectations of others,” she said. “If you wouldn’t consider someone else a failure for doing something well (but not perfectly), is that a fair way to think about yourself?”

Perhaps because Sunday’s Super Bowl was on his mind, Hall employed somewhat of a football analogy when reflecting upon how to protect his own mental health regarding perfectionism.

“My perspective is that perfection is a moving target—the goal line always moves,” he said. “Because of that, constantly chasing it can drain a lot of mental energy. Accepting ‘good enough’ helps me avoid overthinking every possibility and detail, which frees me up to move on to the next task.”

It’s a general reality that expectations will not always be met, but that doesn’t mean that good enough is synonymous with inadequate or unacceptable. After all, as McMinn pointed out, perfectionism doesn’t mean the result is complete satisfaction and happiness.

“What might be some positive benefits of allowing ‘good enough’ to be good enough?” McMinn said. “There is often so much time and energy spent on being perfect, but even if it’s achieved, the payoff and relief are short-lived, and the cycle continues.”

The Empire State Building is struck by lightning an average of 25 times per year.

This Saturday is February 14, which is a high-revenue day for candy, flower, jewelry, and restaurant businesses. According to the National Retail Federation, spending on Valentine’s Day is expected to reach a record $29.1 billion this year in the U.S., with an average of $199.78 spent per person—an increase from $188.81 last year and previous record high of $196.31 from 2020.

Financial aspects aside, Valentine’s Day can stir various emotions in different people, as some are fans of the heart-centric holiday, while others wish it didn’t exist. A recent NatNews research initiative found that 12 percent of poll participants enjoy Valentine’s Day and look forward to it each year, 19 percent think it’s ridiculous and should not be recognized on a calendar, 50 percent change their viewpoints based on whether or not that have significant others at the time, and 19 percent legitimately don’t care and/or have no real opinion of the day.

Dallas-area resident Ashley Jones said Valentine’s Day is her favorite holiday, and she appreciates the colors, shapes, flowers, and romance the day brings.

“I adore love and everything related to it,” she said. “I have always loved Valentine’s Day since elementary school when everyone celebrated together, and I still view it in that way today. It’s a time to celebrate everyone you love. With the division, anger, and hate that we are seeing daily in our world, I believe it’s more important than ever to take a day to celebrate the love and positivity that exists in our lives.”

Dallas-area resident Adrian Acevedo said he thinks designating Valentine’s Day as a significant holiday can present a sticky situation for some individuals, especially for a person who doesn’t have someone else with whom to celebrate. However, he does believe that the holiday can hold value for anyone.

“Valentine’s Day can be just for yourself, or it can be for your partner,” he said. “I think it should be celebrated because you are professing your love for the other person or for yourself. It should be a day that you treat them well—or treat yourself well—with all types of gifts.”

Dallas-area resident Nikki East said she views Valentine’s Day as a “Hallmark holiday” and has never been a fan of the day—a perspective that is not contingent upon whether she is single or in a relationship at the time.

“While I can somewhat understand how some people enjoy a day that is designated to love, I am a firm believer that love should be expressed regularly and not because a calendar says so,” she said. “I believe it is an opportunistic day for businesses to increase revenue. Seriously, have you seen the markup of things for this day? I mean, the same steak I can get at a nice restaurant on a random Thursday in March is more expensive on Valentine’s. Maybe some will say I’m pessimistic, but it screams ‘marketing scheme’ to me.”

Whether one likes the holiday or not, it certainly does its best to remind everyone of its annual appearance, and many people don’t ignore or forget about it too easily. Acevedo said he believes that individuals often make a big deal of Valentine’s Day because they want to feel like they are part of something special and not experience loneliness, regardless of what their relationship statuses are.

“People don’t want to feel like they’re missing out on the Valentine’s Day holiday, but you can still celebrate it with friends or family or by yourself,” he said. “You don’t have to have a partner to celebrate that day.”

Like Acevedo, Jones doesn’t believe that Valentine’s Day should be seen as something exclusively reserved for couples and said she thinks that people often focus far too much on the relationship aspect that surrounds the holiday.

“The expectations are set too high, and the pressure for those in relationships can be overwhelming,” she said. “Those who are single let the lack of romance ruin the day. However, for me, the focus isn’t about romantic love. I’ve never had a partner on Valentine’s Day but have always chosen to celebrate the people I love.”

The good news is that Valentine’s Day isn’t the only day that people can remind others in their lives that they love them. For Acevedo, it’s important for people to express love to one another on a regular basis by consistently being present and cherishing moments and memories with one another.

“Always give 100 percent,” he said. “Even though Valentine’s Day is just one day out of the year, you should still treat your partner or the person you love with all of your respect and kindness every day. It’s about communication and experiencing new things together.”

East said consistently showing love to others involves being vulnerable enough to have truthful conversations that then go beyond the words spoken.

“I think it’s important to always have open and honest communication with those you care about to truly understand what makes them happy or brings them joy,” she said. “Then be intentional in how you can help bring that happiness and joy to them on a regular basis.”

East said she is a strong advocate of love languages (acts of service, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, and words of affirmation), with quality time and physical touch being her top two.

“If someone had a desire to show me love, it would be through spending time together without distractions—allowing for deep, meaningful conversation—and hugs,” she said. “I love me some hugs. I really believe it’s the little simple things in life that truly show someone you care and love them. It’s not necessarily a flashy, overhyped day in February.”

Jones said it’s important for individuals to share their love with others, not simply by telling them but by expressing it in different ways, as well. Like East, Jones also thinks it’s important to understand one another’s love languages to better make them feel loved.

“Let them know why you appreciate and love them,” she said. “I think so many people focus on over-the-top expressions of love when the small things can make a difference, as well—and so can expressing gratitude for the love in our lives, regardless of the type.”

WEEKLY PHOTO OP

The cupcake patrol was out in full force over the weekend  

Monday, February 9: National Pizza Day; St. Olaf Choir at the Meyerson Symphony Center
Tuesday, February 10: Free Rooftop Movie — Love Jones at Sundown at Granada
Wednesday, February 11: Allen Americans vs. Wichita Thunder at Credit Union of Texas Event Center; Badfish at Outdoors at Club Dada
Thursday, February 12: Galentine’s Party at Casablanca; Kim McVicar at Dallas Comedy Club
Friday, February 13: The Molly Ringwalds at Legacy Hall; WWE Friday Night Smackdown at the American Airlines Center; Dallas Open at the Ford Center (goes through Sunday); Violet Evergarden at Music Hall at Fair Park
Saturday, February 14: WRRC Saturday run from Taco Joint; Jazz at the Museum at the Dallas Museum of Art; Valentine’s Day Comedy Show at Music Hall at Fair Park
Sunday, February 15: Harlem Globetrotters at the American Airlines Center; Lunar New Year at Richardson Core District