When you’re a little kid, for safety reasons, you’re often taught not to talk to strangers. As an adult, though, many individuals become more capable of discerning when it is OK to speak to people you don’t know.
And it turns out that such interactions can actually lead to an increase in happiness.
However, different individuals have different comfort levels when it comes to striking up conversations with strangers. Sacramento-area resident Ashley English said for her, it depends on the situation in which she finds herself.
“Sometimes it’s easier because they don’t know you, and you can put on your situational veneer, such as with polite business chatter or asking the person at check-out how they’re doing,” she said. “But prolonged situations with people I don’t know very well can be stressful. So, as long as I don’t feel like I’m in the hot seat and need the interaction to go well (like during a job interview situation or networking event), I’m good.”
Like English, Dallas-area resident Kyle Burnett, who describes himself as an ambivert (a combination of an introvert and extrovert), said his level of comfort in engaging in conversation with people he doesn’t know is also situational.
“I am notoriously shy and reserved around strangers, though,” he said.
For Dallas resident Adam Gribben, his affinity for talking to individuals with whom he is not yet familiar is less contingent on the situation and more so on the topic of the conversation.
“I am comfortable talking to strangers,” he said. “‘They are just us,’ as my tattoo artist niece would say.”
And because of his ability to feel comfortable starting conversations with people he doesn’t know, when Gribben finds himself in intentional social gatherings and situations, he doesn’t need it to be solely among friends and acquaintances and embraces the chance to turn strangers into non-strangers.
“I prefer somewhat of a mix, but I can get comfortable with a routine, such that the number of unknown people starts to become fewer and fewer,” he said
Not everyone is as willing to attend events in which they will likely be required to interact with unfamiliar faces if they don’t want to be completely antisocial, though. Burnett said he would much rather find himself in social situations in which he knows the other people around him.
“It’s just a comfort-level thing,” he said.
English said her likelihood of feeling at-ease is dependent upon what type of social engagement she is attending, as certain situations can cause her stress levels to increase more than others.
“I’m always a little anxious meeting new people, so a gathering with close-knit friends or family is certainly preferred, but in other situations, I may prefer to be meeting new people than getting together with people I know I don’t get along well with,” she said. “A mix is good, too, but may be even worse if it were mostly people I didn’t know and only a few I did. If everyone else knows each other except me, that’s probably my worst-case scenario—I’m getting anxious even thinking about it.”
A study in 2022 focusing on assessing the correlation of social encounters and happiness revealed that interacting with a more diverse set of relationship types predicts higher well-being. While interactions with individuals such as partners, family members, friends, etc. who are part of closer relationships offer greater opportunities for more authentic, substantive, and responsive conversations, interactions with colleagues and strangers—with whom people tend to have more surface-level conversations—can also result in unexpected positive experiences, according to the study.
While Burnett doesn’t doubt the findings of the study, he said they won’t impact or change his levels of comfort in his social interactions.
“I’m sure that increased happiness is possible from talking to strangers, but it’s not enough to encourage me to do it,” he said.
Some individuals, including Gribben, though, see the link between the relational diversity of a person’s social portfolio (the richness and evenness of relationship types across the individual’s social interactions) and well-being as an opportunity to discover information about others and share personal anecdotes with them, as well.
“I do believe speaking to people you don’t know could increase happiness,” he said. “You get to hear some new stories and get to retell some oldies but goodies.”
As the study indicates, relational diversity when it comes to one’s social circles—having a balance between close relationships and those that are more distant but still allow for engagement—can certainly be beneficial for a person’s overall well-being.
“That study makes sense to me,” English said. “Despite being shy, I do tend to be happier walking away from those random conversations struck up in the line at the grocery store or at the gym.”
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