While Elsa inspired plenty of young kids (and even adults) with her anthem “Let It Go” when singing about letting go of fear and, instead, finding liberation in who she truly is, this song can represent the need for many people to let go of certain aspects in their own lives to bring about positive change.
Whether it’s getting out of a situation, ending a relationship, setting fire to old photos (or just deleting them from your album), or a number of other actions (dramatic or not), sometimes people simply feel the need to put parts of their pasts or presents behind them. Dallas-area resident Arinda Cale said she believes that it’s important to let go of things—and sometimes people—as we move through life.
“I believe we are here to evolve, so we are bound to outgrow things and situations, and by letting go or moving on, new things, experiences, and people will come into our lives,” she said. “People are harder than things for me. I’m a firm believer in the saying that some people are with us for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
For Cale personally, she said she is able to let go of physical items rather easily. She has moved more than 30 times throughout her lifetime, so she learned at a young age not to keep every single tangible piece forever.
“When it comes to emotional things, I can let go of some things, such as a mistake or hurtful comment, pretty easily, but if someone I truly love says or does something that hurts me, that may take a little longer to get over,” she said. “But if that person is important to me, I will get over it—I probably won’t forget it, though.”
Not everyone can jive with Elsa belting “let it go” the way Cale can, though. Dallas resident Drew Mbiam said he is quite aware that he is not exactly someone who is willing and able to so simply push something out of his mind or life.
“I think it’s an important ability to have, but I don’t think turning the other cheek is a virtue,” he said. “I don’t let things go, but by no means do I let the past stop me from living in the present. However, I do keep a score, so when the opportunity presents itself, we will get even.”
And perhaps “letting go” doesn’t need to be the way people look at such a concept. Dallas resident and psychologist Kenleigh McMinn said she prefers to use the phrase “moving forward” or “moving on,” instead.
“‘Letting go’ can imply that you somehow fully release whatever is happening and don’t carry it with you in any way or think about it again after you’re out of the situation,” she said. “Realistically, that’s unfortunately not how it works. Whatever the thing is that you’re trying to let go of, the act of trying not to think about it can actually make you think about it more. If I tell you not to think about pink elephants, what pops into your mind? Instead, framing the process as moving forward acknowledges that you will carry the experience with you while still getting un-stuck and making progress toward something new.”
McMinn said it’s important for people first to be able to recognize when people or situations might be holding them back or having negative impacts on their lives.
“Once the awareness is there, it allows you to assess and decide how you want to proceed,” she said. “In some cases, you may be able to have a discussion or set a boundary that can improve what’s going on and avoid having to let go altogether. Other times, this doesn’t have the desired effect, and you may have to make the hard decisions about whether to keep going.”
McMinn also acknowledged that it can certainly be difficult to move forward from a situation in which a relationship or circumstance is pulling an individual down in some way, but she said doing so is crucial.
“Staying stuck can lead to increased anxiety, low mood, frustration, or resentment,” she said. “That being said, change is scary. Sometimes it comes down to being willing to take a risk for something new to be better, versus staying with something you know but is hurting you in some way.”
And oftentimes, taking those risks can be beneficial for a person in the long run. For Cale, letting go of physical items can be more enjoyable, as there isn’t an attachment to things that depict a life that is only visually appealing but not actually fulfilling. Emotionally, though, she said while it can be a bit more challenging to do, it can still be rewarding.
“If you’re spending time in a situation or with a person and you leave feeling not so great about being in that situation or with that person, it’s a sign to move away from that or them,” Cale said. “You liking yourself is far more important than someone else liking you.”
Mbiam, on the other hand, said letting go/moving forward may or may not improve a situation for an individual. He said he thinks holding on might actually bring about better results.
“I believe people take advantage of others because they think they will turn the other cheek or just accept it,” he said. “Showing them that is not always going to be the case will motivate them to check some of their most toxic impulses. Honestly, not letting things go is almost like a public service.”
If there are individuals who need to move on from their current circumstances, though, McMinn said there are a few places to start and a handful of questions to inquire of oneself.
“Ask yourself what’s making it hard,” she said. “What’s keeping you stuck? What would need to happen in order for you to take the first step toward something new? Do you have the skills, resources, and support you need to make this change happen? What advice would you give a loved one who was in your shoes?”
Like McMinn, Cale said she leans on what a person would say to someone about whom he or she cares to determine what is best for that individual in whatever the situation is.
“When my girls were growing up and having a hard time letting go of something said about them, a friend or boyfriend who wasn’t treating them well, or a tangible thing, I’d ask them what they would tell their best friend if they were in this difficult situation,” she said. “I just feel like we should treat ourselves like we treat our best friends.”
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