Throughout their lifetimes, people often develop relationships with individuals who impact them in ways they might never have expected, offering wisdom and insights that also provide guidance and support. Whether they are officially or unofficially labeled so, mentors can play key roles and make lasting impressions in the lives of those who trust them.
Dallas resident Kevin Roberts said when he was in his 20s and 30s, he was an avid tennis player and connected with a man named Dick Landenberger, who was ranked No. 1 in Texas in the men’s 45+ category at the time. More than 30 years later, Roberts is still thankful for the relationship he has with Landenberger and what he has learned from him.
“He basically took me under his wing, and we played once or twice a week for at least 10 years,” Roberts said. “He was also successful in business. We became very good friends, and I asked his advice not only pertaining to tennis but also business and family. He is now in his 80s and unable to play tennis due to health issues, but we still get together for lunch occasionally.”
Mentors don’t necessarily have to be designated as such and sometimes might not even realize how powerful their influences are. Sometimes even close friends can take on the mentor roles. Dallas resident Elizabeth Cruz said she has such friends who informally mentor her and noted that there is one specific woman who has impacted her quite significantly, particularly in her journey as a certified public accountant.
“The individual I’m referring to is more tenured in her career, so she has been a good resource for me by providing feedback to help me in my career,” she said.
Dallas resident Craig Borkenhagen said he has had several close friends—specifically his friends Geremy, Damian, and Jeff—who have served as mentors throughout his life. He met Geremy and Damian when he lived in New Haven and became familiar with Jeff during his time in Cambridge.
“Through coffee chats and lunches, dinners, and simple quality time together, we’ve all sort of encouraged one another and shared deeper parts of our lives with each other,” he said. “Especially as it relates to spiritual matters, the accountability and spurring one another on in our faith has been so crucial for me. Knowing that those guys love me, care for me, and pray for me is so important and valuable.”
In addition to offering support and encouragement, mentors can expand one’s network, offer broader perspectives, provide a sense of connection, help increase one’s self-confidence and self-awareness, and even help improve one’s mental health (which goes both ways, as a mentor can also experience better mental health by supporting a friend or colleague). Borkenhagen said he believes that it is beneficial for people to have mentors in their lives, whether for short periods of time or for multiple years.
“It’s important to have people who can share their perspectives on issues with you, especially if they’ve been through that issue before and can give good advice,” he said. “I like the idea of short-term and long-term mentors, but for me being in my current life stage, I’m looking less for mentors, specifically, and more simply for close friends who can share from their past experiences.”
Like Borkenhagen, Cruz said she sees tremendous value in people having mentors—both for short stints and for more extended durations—and once heard a piece of advice that everyone should have his or her own board of directors, so to speak.
“This board of directors can serve as mentors for you to bounce ideas off of, can provide constructive feedback, and are people you trust and are open with,” she said. “They can mentor you throughout your life. I also think some mentors can be short-term mentors for specific things in your life, but the longer the mentorship, the more they really understand you and can be helpful.”
And eventually, those who have gained valuable experience as mentees find themselves serving as mentors to others. Roberts, who has been actively involved in the Dallas running and pickleball communities and plays golf with various individuals on a regular basis, now has unique opportunities to share his wisdom with those who view him as a respected and trustworthy figure in their lives.
“I wasn’t really around people a lot younger than me until I approached 50 and started running,” Roberts said. “There is not really one person whom I can say I have mentored, but being older, I have been asked many questions, ranging from starting in insurance to buying a first home to raising kids to staying in a 40-plus-year marriage. I enjoy answering questions if my experience can help even a little.”
Roberts said he honestly believes that he has benefited more from his younger friends than they have from him, and he credits running for allowing that type of bonding.
“There are so many I have trained and traveled with through the years,” he said. “Paige Ryder Celuch is 35 years younger than me, and there is nobody I would rather discuss life’s issues with more than her. I think we both enjoyed having someone at totally different stages in life but who could listen to ideas respectfully and speak freely without being judged.”
In various workplace settings, employees often have opportunities—sometimes formal, sometimes not—to work with mentors to guide them in their careers and goals for the future. Other mentorship relationships can form more naturally and develop over time. Either way, as with any successful relationship, consistency and commitment are important.
“I think the best way to build these relationships is organically,” Cruz said. “But to foster a relationship, you have to be willing to invest the time.”
Borkenhagen also emphasized how essential it is for a person to be willing to spend his or her time with the other individual to grow a more trusting relationship.
“I think coffees and lunches are the best way to start, and stay consistent with that,” he said. “Spend time with and show the other person that you truly care about them on a deeper level than is typical. And be as open and honest as you possibly can be. People can tell when you hold back, so after that trust is built up, don’t. Don’t hold back.”
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Some of the NatNews staff dressed up as a spider (obviously) and hung out with a bat and a cat