You’ve just arrived at an event where you don’t know many people—maybe it’s a wedding reception, baby shower, networking engagement, or conference of some sort—and you find yourself caught up in several different conversations that remain at the surface level and potentially feel repetitive.
There are plenty of social situations in which people often engage in small talk, whether such conversations and settings make them feel awkward and uncomfortable or unbothered and at ease. Dallas resident Adam “Gary” Gribben said he doesn’t mind taking part in small talk and actually thrives in such an environment.
“I swim in these waters,” he said. “I fashion myself as a cruise ship comic—same jokes, new audience.”
There are also individuals, including Dallas-area resident Libby Shewski, who are accustomed to engaging in small talk with others, though it might not be their ideal way to interact with those with whom they want to have more lasting relationships.
“I feel like I’ve had enough practice through work experience in small talk situations that I am definitely comfortable in them,” Shewski said. “I prefer to get to know people and have deeper conversations than just surface-level ones, though.”
Like Shewski, Dallas resident Drew Johnson said he can hold his own in situations involving small talk, though he doesn’t find such conversations and scenarios to be particularly enjoyable or energizing.
“I know how to be friendly, polite, and engaged when needed,” he said. “Honestly, after a while, surface-level conversations start to feel a bit hollow, repetitive, and boring, though. I’d rather connect with someone in a more genuine, meaningful way. Small talk has its place, but it’s not where I feel most like myself.”
While small talk might not allow individuals to become deeply vulnerable and learn everything there is to know about one another, it does provide certain benefits, including connecting on common interests, improving active listening skills, helping one overcome social discomforts, and creating potential for those conversations to lead to more serious topics and discussions that require stronger levels of trust. There are plenty of opportunities for the positive aspects of these types of conversations to arise, as many individuals tend to feel pressured to engage in them in certain environments.
“I think people often feel like small talk is just the social ‘entry fee’—a way to break the ice, fill silence, and attempt to avoid awkwardness with new acquaintances and strangers,” Johnson said. “It’s familiar and low-risk and just becomes the default behavior for most people. In group settings or professional environments, it’s often expected, even if it doesn’t lead anywhere deep. I get why it exists, as it can open the door to something more, but most of the time, it just feels like we’re going through the motions with no intention.”
Whether people look forward to them or not, though, casual chats are inevitable in life. For Shewski, such moments are to be expected, and she knows that talking to others in more surface-level conversations is often the friendly option in certain situations.
“I was raised to believe it’s rude not to answer someone or not talk to someone,” she said. “We live in Texas, where a lot of times silence is uncomfortable because we are used to talking to people. We even feel the need to fill the silence in places like a quick elevator ride.”
Moments with multiple people and no words being exchanged can certainly feel strange to some individuals, which then can lead to forced conversations. Others, though, aren’t bothered by pauses without chatter filling the void.
“A sign of a strong friendship is a comfortable silence,” Gribben said. “Small talk fills the awkward silence in lesser relationships. I am naturally awkward, so I don’t mind dead silence.”
Small talk can actually be more than “small,” though. Research has shown that even short social interactions with others can create feelings of belonging and increased happiness, regardless of whether or not conversations lead to more lasting and meaningful connections. There are certainly relationships and settings, though, that allow individuals to feel more open to share on deeper levels. For Gribben, doing so can occur in more public circumstances, including while giving a eulogy.
“You have a receptive and forgiving audience and a last chance to say what you’ve got to say,” he said. “If I don’t know the person that well, and no one is standing up to speak out of fear, I’ll get up and say a memory I have of the person and weave in a Bible verse they could loosely assign to the departed. If I do know the person, bring a tissue.”
Frequent interactions with others also create opportunities to move beyond conversations that fall under small talk and allow for more intimate discussions.
“I think I enjoy having deeper, more meaningful conversations in a place like church, work, and the gym—somewhere I go to often where I feel like the relationship could go somewhere,” Shewski said. “At a store, I don’t feel the need to make a conversation get deeper because the chances that I see that person again are very slim.”
More personal talks can also be contingent upon the level of trust one has of the other(s) in the conversation. Johnson said he truly enjoys deeper conversations when he feels comfortable and the setting allows for it, whether it’s with close friends or someone he trusts opening up to more.
“I like those unfiltered moments when people let their guards down and talk about things that actually matter, what they care about, what they’re struggling with, or what excites them and not just the weather,” he said. “That kind of conversation, especially in a relaxed or quiet setting, is where I feel most connected and engaged.”
WEEKLY PHOTO OP
.jpg)
Some of the NatNews staff and dear readers visited the Katy Trail Ice House over the weekend and didn't intentionally line up in height order